My Reason for Living
by Lysha
Summary: An awkward group conversation leaves Ren feeling uncomfortable. What does he have left to believe in? A RenxHoro one shot.


**_Author's Note:_ **Thanks for checking out this fic! This is just a little one-shot I wrote whilst bored a few days ago. It's not my best work by far, but I figured I'd put it up anyway. I might have made Horo sound like a bit of a dumbass in this - I just hope it's not too severe! Any feedback you could offer would be greatly appreciated.

**_Dedication:_** To the person who inspired this - you know who you are!

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**My Reason for Living**

Deep discussions often got the better of him, but this was something else entirely.

The group's question at the moment was pressing to say the least, and how they had ended up on the subject, no one knew.

_What's your reason for living?_

Ren supposed this is what happened after the group had been talking for hours and conversation began to run dry. Yoh never seemed uneasy about serious matters such as these, and no one else seemed unwilling to share their life's purpose, the reason they carried on…

What always made it worse was seeing that set black stare from just opposite him – gentle, but unwavering. Ren folded his arms and refused to set his golden eyes upon the Ainu.

"You haven't told us about your own reason for living, Yoh-dono," Amidamaru put in.

Yoh gave his usual easy smile. "Mine's a simple one, you should all know by now. My reason for living is just that: to live."

"Always the wise one, Master Yoh." Ryu commented respectfully.

Yoh laughed. "Nah, I'm just the one for an easy life, really. I don't want much else."

Ren frowned to himself. Yoh was always infuriatingly noble. But it made him wonder – what was his own purpose? With the crown of Shaman King taken, what else was there?

Horo shifted in the corner of his eye, as though on cue.

Ren frowned again.

"Manta, how about you?"

Manta flustered a little as the question was passed to him. "Well, I… I suppose as I'm not a Shaman, and I don't really have any special talents… I say it'd just be to stay by Yoh's side and support him all the way."

Yoh beamed even wider. "That's really cool, Manta. I think it's great you think of me so much, but you know, you should try to live for yourself too."

"Yeah, I guess…" Manta muttered.

Ryu chipped in with some all-knowing advice for Manta, and Ren relaxed a little. He glanced out of the door. Getting out of here before this question came to him was vital. Any delays such as Ryu's trash-talk were more than welcomed right then, should it give him more time to escape.

Horo shifted, as though he too was having the same thoughts of avoiding the topic. Glancing at the bluenette, Ren's head span again. What was there, what did he have? Although, as Ren thought about it, why did _Horo_ look so uneasy? The Ainu was hardly one to lose a purpose for existing. No matter what happened, Horo always had his respectful ways, his religion and his trust in nature. He would always work for the Gods he believed existed in everything. Horo _always _had a purpose…

"My calling always has been, and always will be, to find a Best Place, and of course, a fair maiden to call my own." Ryu mused. "It's a simple task if you were to judge by words, but in reality, it seems to be a lot harder.

"I think everyone finds what they are looking for in life eventually, Ryu," Yoh said. "It's just something that comes with time.

"Ah, again, wise words from you, Master Yoh."

Yoh shrugged off the compliment with another wide smile, before those soft brown eyes fell like a gentle death sentence upon Ren.

The Chinese froze.

"How about you, Ren?"

Although everyone's eyes were now upon him, Ren could only feel one gaze – Horo's. He folded his arms tighter and looked around at them all, one by one, each one innocently waiting for his answer, eager smiles on their faces. Golden orbs finally falling on Horo, Ren faltered.

"I..."

"What's the matter?" Yoh asked, obviously reading the dull expression on Ren's face.

"It's nothing." Ren concluded, standing from his seat and walking briskly out of the room. He didn't stop, continuing up the stairs, fists clenched and feet slamming on each step as he marched on.

It was not until he reached his room did he realise that someone had followed him.

He span around to face this unwanted presence – and froze in his path.

"What's up, Ren? You seem really on edge."

Ren turned away, grimacing. Why must Horo always worry about him so? "I told you, it's nothing." Ren seethed through gritted teeth.

"Is it something to do with what we were talking about?" Ren felt a slight touch on his arm and jolted, throwing it off.

"Why should you worry!" he snapped.

Horo's reply came shakily, as though he were hurt. "What do you mean?"

"You've always had a purpose, haven't you?" Ren's voice was just as harsh as ever. "You've never had to consider what it means to be alive, have you!"

Horo recoiled as Ren turned around to face him, golden eyes boring into him accusingly. "Ren…"

A fist flew out of nowhere – Ren's knuckles squarely hitting the wall beside Horo's head. "I was born to do evil, destroyed my family's hopes, and failed everything! What do I have!"

Ren's voice shook with anger, and his voice was cut with what was almost sorrow. His head bowed low, shadows covered his eyes that were so full of resent for himself. "And now, what can I do? What else can I consider when there is only one thing to think about now?"

"I don't see what you're trying to say-"

"You wouldn't see!" Ren's fist shook, body trembling, so close to Horo's. "It's all there for you, you needn't worry about such things, but me… it's all I have."

"I-"  
"You haven't worked it out yet?" Ren's voice dropped to what was almost a whisper, neither raising his head, nor moving his fist.

"Worked out… what exactly?"

"My reason for living…" through violet hair, tearful golden eyes locked with black. "…is you, Horokeu."

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Emily Nash-Medlyn 

Wednesday 22nd February 2006

**_Author's Note: _**Sorry about the abrupt ending, but I wrote the fic with the intention of ending it just with that line! Oh well, I'l leave it up to your imaginations as to what happened next... 


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